Life lately has consisted of busy and fun-filled weekends with family and friends – the perfect way to spend those treasured days off from work. We went to a Dodger game a few weeks ago for my dad’s birthday (where Robin Thicke perfomed!) – which is unofficially the start of every summer in Southern California. I’ve been stocking up on great shoes which are easy to throw on with any outfit – again, in preparation for the summer season which I’m so BEYOND ready for. Know the feeling?
It’s kind of insane how busy these next few weeks are going to be. On Friday, we’re heading up to see my sister in Stockton for Easter weekend. Then a few weeks later, we’re heading back up to see her graduate from college. Shortly after, Trevor and I are (most likely) going to be heading to Palm Springs to celebrate his 24th birthday. Somewhere in there, we’re heading to a Billy Joel concert at the Hollywood Bowl and I really, really, desperately want to visit my favorite friend in Seattle for a weekend, too.
I feel like I’m at that point where everything is about to start – but at the same time, being terrified that I’ll take the plunge on something and that nothing will come out of it. It’s hard, cause I feel like I’m at that age (23) where I’m still figuring stuff out – and that I’m still allowed to make mistakes and mess up and fall flat on my face and that I can still heal and come out of the whole thing alive and better for it. I’m just scared, you know? Of being irresponsible and making rash decisions that could ultimately hurt me.
I know that everyone is on their own path and everyone has their own pace, and that there is no right or wrong way on how to do something, but at the same time, I just so desperately want to know that I’m not wasting my time. I don’t know. I have a lot of time to think, especially on my way to and from work, and I just always feel so distraught when I get out of the car because all I realize is that I. DON’T KNOW. I just want to figure out my purpose – and I realize that’s hefty and probably impossible, but I don’t want to just float through life settling on whatever reality is RIGHT NOW. I want to know that I’m making the most out of my time and striving for something beautiful.
Someone once gave me a grand piece of advice that has resonated with me from the moment she said it. “The things that scare you the most often wind up being the most worthwhile.”
I guess it’s okay to be afraid and to not know – to just take the plunge off of the metaphorical edge and hope for the best. To trust myself enough to know my talents and to know my weaknesses and to look in the eye of the tiger and do the things that scare the crap out of me – because that’s how we learn and grow and ultimately, how we learn our purpose.
Sorry for the rant – clearly I was thinking a lot in the car this morning.
