I’m doing a cleanse.
Emotionally and Physically. Or, my own version of one, anyways. Here goes nothing.
Physical
I haven’t had alcohol (minus one small glass of incredibly overpriced Rose) since I got home from New Orleans and this is probably the longest I’ve gone without drinking since I turned 21.
It’s funny, as a millennial in my mid-twenties, social drinking is my THING. I love it. I love going and grabbing drinks with friends and co-workers on the weekends or after work. Ask any person my age and the majority of them will tell you the same thing. Dating? Basically revolves around grabbing drinks until you guys decide you like each other enough to graduate to an actual dinner. I would actually congratulate myself if I went ONE day without some sort of cocktail or glass of wine. Seriously, my grandma would always comment on my pictures and be like, “Does Allie ever NOT have a drink in her hand?”
But on Easter this past month, after struggling with allergies and eczema like no other in 2017, my cousin suggested that MAYBE I was allergic to alcohol. What.
This was an idea that had literally NEVER occurred to me, cause how can you be allergic to something you love so much? I toyed with the idea of giving it up for a couple of weeks, but it seemed like a scary idea until I was in New Orleans with my friends and family and my eyes became literal slits on my face after drinking heavily the night before. Paired with the extreme life changes of a couple of my closest friends the past few months, I figured it would be worth a shot. Decision made. I went to Whole Foods and spent a ridiculous amount of money on vitamins and supplements, creams and an actual liver cleanse. This. Is. Happening.
A few weeks in and I’ve learned an extraordinary amount. Not only about my body, but about myself. First thing? I may very well be allergic. Or at least have an intolerance towards alcohol. Alcohol in general is incredibly dehydrating and FILLED with sugar. I’ve noticed my body is changing. I’m less bloated, I’ve dropped 8 pounds, I don’t wince when I look at myself half naked in the mirror in the mornings anymore. My face (where my eczema break-out was taking over) has gotten considerably better, even though it’s not completely gone.
I’m also learning how easy it is to say NO. How it’s not that hard to pass on a cocktail, and to just stick with water. I’m avoiding social situations where I know I’ll be surrounded by free booze (cause let’sssss be real, my willpower is not that strong), but for the most part, in small groups, it’s really easy to just hang out and be present.
I’m also discovering how much I rely on alcohol and the “buzz” to escape from the issues I don’t want to deal with. Stressed? Have a glass of wine. Bummed about a guy? Here’s a Vodka Soda. Not drinking forces you to acknowledge all the shit you drink to avoid. And due to my lack of alcohol, I’ve had to actually sit down and try to figure stuff out instead of drowning it out with my cheap wine of the night.
Which brings me to the emotional phase of this cleanse…
Emotional
I’ve discovered that I’m a stressed out person. I’ve had this hair twirling habit for as long as I can remember (where I just sit there twirling and twirling and twirling), and my dad always used to joke and say, “Why are you so anxious?” I’m beginning to think everything is linked.
My sister texted me last week telling me about this Indian herb called Ashwagandha – which is what prompted that fateful trip to Whole Foods in the first place. She had heard it would be helpful for my eczema from one of her students, but after some research, I discovered that it was also used for stress relief. Okay, sure. The first night I took it, it was like an actual weight got lifted off my shoulders. Honestly, it was incredible. I don’t think I’ve slept that well in years. I take it every night now, along with my liver cleanse supplements and a handful of other natural pills the woman suggested for eliminating allergies. (I’ve become that person.)
What does this mean? I honestly have no idea. I am going to investigate and see if my stress and panic attacks are something that I should be concerned about, or if they’re pretty much just the normal symptom for being a twenty-something girl working her way up the corporate ladder. But what I do know is that I’m going to spend more time trying NOT to stress about trivial things.
I was walking around Downtown LA when I saw the phrase “Live That Life” painted on the ground, and the concept just resonated within me. Which life are you supposed to live? Whichever one you choose. It’s all in your hands.
It may even require a cleanse, of sorts, and that’s fine. Friends being weird? Don’t worry about it. It’s petty. Guy not texting you back? His loss. On to the next one. Work not going according to plan? You’re only there for a portion of your day. Don’t take the stress of it home with you. If you have to cleanse yourself of negative people, bad vices, or even just a face wash that just isn’t working – it’s in your control.
So many aspects of life are beyond your control, but, there are so many things that you do have power over. Unhappy with something? Take the time out to figure out how to fix it, and just have the courage to make the jump. Take me, for example. I didn’t want to stop drinking and constantly made excuses about it. “Oh, I can’t stop cause I’m going on vacation and you KNOOOOOWWWW I’ll want to drink when I’m there!” Stop. Think about it. Hold yourself accountable. And understand that you have to put your own health and well-being first, before anything else.
This is not to say I’ll never drink again. I have to live THAT life. The one where I focus on my health and listen to my body, but where I also allow myself the opportunity to enjoy moments when they present themselves. I leave for a 17-day trip to Europe on Friday and I fully plan on drinking wine under the Eiffel Tower with one of my best friends on the planet. But I also understand that I can’t keep living my life the way I was. It’s simple, and it’s complicated. Complicated because the first step is acknowledging and making the active choice to change. I HAVE to make lifestyle changes. And change is hard and change is scary, but sometimes, it can lead to some incredibly beautiful things, as well.
So here’s to changes. Here’s to cleanses. Here’s to removing the toxins (both literal and figurative) from your life. And here’s to living that life – whichever one it may be.
