on dating

It’s official: I’ve been thrust into the dating world. Granted, I could say “no thanks” and continue on my merry way, but I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge and let’s be real, this is COMPLETELY new territory for me.

Challenge accepted.

As most of you know, I was in a long term relationship (seven years – eek) that ended back in March – and with that, there went my safety net. I was very much in the mindset that I had found “the one” and that I never had to worry about venturing into the dating world ever again. I thought that portion of my life was taken care of. Needless to say, that wasn’t the case and now I’ve been tiptoeing back into the world of GUYS and boy, let me tell you, it is a very complicated world that I do not entirely understand.

Within two days of my break up, I downloaded Tinder. I wanted some sort of confirmation that I was still desirable, even though the one person I wanted didn’t want me anymore. I had it on my phone for a grand total of eight hours, during which my friend and I sat there swiping and freaking out when we came across a “match” and screaming when someone actually had the nerve to message me.

Is this what modern day dating is, now? A virtual nod and a constant crossing of your fingers that some random stranger fifteen miles away finds something attractive about the heavily edited photo that I carefully selected as my Tinder profile picture? Since then, I’ve deleted and re-downloaded the app a couple of times, each time feeling more and more disappointed by the lack of connection that I’ve found on it.

Then – I DO find success – and it’s a match, and I kind of know this person from once upon a time – and we meet up – and there’s a spark. And then my heart is flipping in my chest again and every time his name pops up on my phone I feel a flutter in my chest. And when he kisses me I remember what it’s like to feel EXCITED about someone. And when he holds my hand, it feels electric.

And then time passes and the texts become few and far between and then my friend has to send me an article about “ghosting” and sadly explains to me that it’s a growing phenomenon in this digital age where people just STOP RESPONDING. Painfully enough, this has essentially happened twice in a row, with two different guys. Then you just kind of sit there and stare at your phone and rack your brain thinking about what you possibly did wrong, and all you are able to conclude is that Sex and the City was way more accurate than you ever actually believed. If suburbia is this bad, I have no idea how Carrie survived New York City.

There was a period of time a couple months ago where I had a date the majority of the nights of the week. I was going out and meeting people and reaching out and being bold, cause I’ve never been one to sit around and wait for things to happen for me. It was fun, yes, but it was also exhausting. I recently texted a friend and told him that I felt like a child throughout this entire process. I was taking baby steps into this brand new world and all my friends were there, holding my hand and whispering what to do and what not to do. He kind of laughed and just responded with: “I hope you’re prepared for the naked photos.” WHAT!?

 I was in, for all intents and purposes, a successful relationship for the majority of my “grown up” life. And now I’m not anymore and sometimes, it would just be easier to pick someone to fill that void, just to have someone to kiss good-night everyday. I can see the appeal of jumping out of one relationship and into a new one, especially if it’s presented to you on a shiny, silver platter. It’s easy, it’s lazy and it doesn’t really require you to face the truth and acknowledge that you may need to work on yourself. I feel like in the past four months, I’ve found myself looking in the mirror a lot more, just searching for the answers.

Someone I’ve turned to a lot for advice this year told me that a relationship will happen when you least expect it. She had been in a long-term relationship that had a similar outcome as my own, and she said it sucked and it hurt and it took a lot of time to recover from it. But then she said an incredible man walked into her life “when she wanted him, not when she needed him“. You can’t fill a void with another person – but instead, you can challenge yourself with your own personal growth and self-discovery to fill in the gaps.

I’m single for the first time in a LONG time. I’m 24. I’m surrounded by fabulous people who want to see me find success and want me to find that BIG love that we all know is out there – that is truly based on a mutual trust and respect. It’s that notion that in order to love another person, to REALLY love them, you have to learn who you are and learn to love yourself first and foremost. I can already tell there will be a lot of hiccups and bumps along the way, but it’s all a learning process that the majority of us have to endure – and without it, how will we know how extraordinarily epic something can actually be?